In friendship, quarrel is unavoidable and it is path of a normal relationship. Sometimes it was just a bad day that the small fight began and its unworthy if it cause end to a friendship. Here are few tips when you trapped in quarrel with friend and how to handle after that.
Part 1: During quarrel
Don’t make a big fuss. Sometimes little things can bring war in friendship. Thus it is necessarily not to make a big fuss on little things. Instead being reasonable, tolerant and bring logical fact to be argue.
Use calm voice and avoid shouting. Whenever arguing or quarrel, try to control your voice at low tune and say your words slowly. Lowering your voice will help to calm yourself while saying words slowly will help you and your partner to hear and understand what you trying to say. This also to prevent uproar situation that lead to further misunderstanding.
Never curse. In a quarrel between friends, never curse especially when it is just because of your anger and you really not mean it. The curse is always something that extremely annoying, illogical and usually not related to the argument issue(s). Thus adding curse in a quarrel will just make it worst and uncontrollable. Always remember that any curse you said might be hurtful, unforgiveable and most important unforgettable.
Don’t see directly to opponent eyes. When both parties are in tense, try not to look directly in opponent eyes and you might also lower your sight view. However it is important that your body is still facing the opponents so it is not like you are trying to ignore her/him. A mad person usually have a red and sour face, thus avoiding eye contact will prevent you to see the terrible reaction of her/ his face which cause you more angry and tense. Also, a person tends to show more of her/his angry feeling knowing that you focus at her/him. On the other hand lowering your sight shows that you don’t want the argument to go further, you are trying to control the situation and you ready let go in the quarrel.
Choose to silent rather than fight. When the quarrel is something that is unimportant or maybe some of it is from your own faults, it is better to keep silent rather than fight. Silent will prevent the quarrel to go longer, getting tense and prevent unnecessary words come out from your mouth. When you keep silent, it shows that you definitely don’t want the quarrel to happen. In sometimes, your mad friend will realize it and she/he will follow your rhythm to talk calmly.
Change your position. It is a guide from our beloved prophet Muhammad S.A.W on how to reduce anger. When you are mad, try to change your position. For example, when you are angry while standing, try to sit down, if you are still angry lay down and if it still not working gets wudu to cool you down and perform a salat to make your mind in peace.
Part 2: After Quarrel
Forgive but may not forget. As friends small quarrel should be forgivable because friendship is more important than that. However forgiven does not means forgotten. Forgiving your friends means you not keep grudge on him/her and you are sincerely accept the past. However a memory is something that inerasable and sometimes you have to remember the bad things so that it gives lesson to both of you and the same problem will not repeating.
One step she/he tries to recoil, you should work 100 times to save the friendship. This is because your friendship is very meaningful towards her/him that she/he willing to overcome her ego for it.
Have some times apart. Even when the quarrel ends and both of you forgive each other, still you and your friends need times to cooling down and reflect on what just happened. Just give some times to both of you, but never purposely avoiding each other.
Act like it never happened. After forgiving each other, both should act normally like it never happened. This is to prevent uncomfortable situation in the relationship and it can help both parties to sincerely forgive each other. If necessary, you may need to pretend in order to cheer up the situation, by times the incident will be forgotten.
Never bring back the bad memories or tell it to other person especially when your friend is not around. This is because she/he might misunderstood that you are badmouthing about her/him and in worst condition it may lead to another quarrel. Just in case you are burst in heart, you might share it to your sibling or the best solution is write it in your diary.
As a conclusion it is all about your emotion to control a quarrel. Just be the one to surrender in the war of friendship. Its not mean that you are the loser, instead you should be proud to save a friendship. In addition, Islam love peace and a good Muslim is the one that treasure every relationship.
p/s: I have been using this method to myself, it usually works and there will never always a long fight between me and friends. However in life there are sometimes when things just going wrong and bad things unavoidable. Just give your best, and if she/he is a true friend your friendship will never end. =)