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In friendship, quarrel is unavoidable and it is path of a
normal relationship. Sometimes it was just a bad day that the small fight began
and its unworthy if it cause end to a friendship. Here are few tips when you trapped
in quarrel with friend and how to handle after that.
Part 1: During
quarrel
Don’t make a big
fuss. Sometimes little things can bring war in friendship. Thus it is
necessarily not to make a big fuss on little things. Instead being reasonable,
tolerant and bring logical fact to be argue.
Use calm voice and
avoid shouting. Whenever arguing or quarrel, try to control your voice at
low tune and say your words slowly. Lowering your voice will help to calm
yourself while saying words slowly will help you and your partner to hear and
understand what you trying to say. This also to prevent uproar situation
that lead to further misunderstanding.
Never curse. In a
quarrel between friends, never curse especially when it is just
because of your anger and you really not mean it. The curse is always something
that extremely annoying, illogical and usually not related to the argument
issue(s). Thus adding curse in a quarrel will just make it worst and
uncontrollable. Always remember that any curse you said might be hurtful,
unforgiveable and most important unforgettable.
Don’t see directly to
opponent eyes. When both parties are in tense, try not to look directly in
opponent eyes and you might also lower your sight view. However it is important
that your body is still facing the opponents so it is not like you are trying
to ignore her/him. A mad person usually have a red and sour face, thus avoiding
eye contact will prevent you to see the terrible reaction of her/ his face which
cause you more angry and tense. Also, a person tends to show more of her/his
angry feeling knowing that you focus at her/him. On the other hand lowering
your sight shows that you don’t want the argument to go further, you are trying
to control the situation and you ready let go in the quarrel.
Choose to silent
rather than fight. When the quarrel is something that is unimportant or
maybe some of it is from your own faults, it is better to keep silent rather
than fight. Silent will prevent the quarrel to go longer, getting tense and
prevent unnecessary words come out from your mouth. When you keep silent, it
shows that you definitely don’t want the quarrel to happen. In sometimes, your
mad friend will realize it and she/he will follow your rhythm to talk calmly.
Change your position.
It is a guide from our beloved prophet Muhammad S.A.W on how to reduce anger. When
you are mad, try to change your position. For example, when you are angry while
standing, try to sit down, if you are still angry lay down and if it still not
working gets wudu to cool you down and perform a solat to make your mind in
peace.
Part 2: After Quarrel
Forgive but may not
forget. As friends small quarrel should be forgivable because friendship
is more important than that. However forgiven does not means forgotten. Forgiving
your friends means you not keep grudge on him/her and you are sincerely accept
the past. However a memory is something that inerasable and sometimes you have
to remember the bad things so that it gives lesson to both of you and the same
problem will not repeating.
One step she/he tries
to recoil, you should work 100 times to save the friendship. This is
because your friendship is very meaningful towards her/him that she/he willing to overcome her ego for it.
Have some times
apart. Even when the quarrel ends and both of you forgive each other, still
you and your friends need times to cooling down and reflect on what just
happened. Just give some times to both of you, but never purposely avoiding
each other.
Act like it never
happened. After forgiving each other, both should act normally like it
never happened. This is to prevent uncomfortable situation in the relationship
and it can help both parties to sincerely forgive each other. If necessary, you
may need to pretend in order to cheer up the situation, by times the incident will
be forgotten.
Never bring back the
bad memories or tell it to other person especially when your friend is not
around. This is because she/he might misunderstood that you are badmouthing
about her/him and in worst condition it may lead to another quarrel. Just in
case you are burst in heart, you might share it to your sibling or the best
solution is write it in your diary.
As a conclusion it is all about your emotion to control a
quarrel. Just be the one to surrender in the war of friendship. Its not mean
that you are the loser, instead you should be proud to save a friendship. In
addition, Islam love peace and a good Muslim is the one that treasure every
relationship.
p/s: I have been using this method to myself, it usually
works and there will always not a long fight between me and friends. However in life there are sometimes when things just going wrong and bad things
unavoidable. Just give your best, and if she/he is a true friend your
friendship will never end. =)
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