Today while signing off at the finger print punch clock, I saw a donation box. It is exactly in front of a staff who sat there. With the few second pass by I wondering what the donation for but feel very shy to open wallet to put at least few ringgit with sincerity. Just as that my legs already few steps away.
Looking at another friend, I wanted to ask of what the donation about. I call her name few times but seems she didn't hear me. I give up and walk to my route.
At house, keep linger in my head of why I need to think of other's thought when it comes to doing a good deed. In the end it was me who showing a bad example to other. Someone that solat but too stingy and no heart (have no sympathy) to donate. Huhuhu..
My thought actually I'm too embarrassed to do good deed in front of other. Afraid being told a hypocrite, pretending and showing off. Sometimes I am too shy doing good deed unless they are my family. I usually not afraid nor care of peoples opinion, it just I myself too embarrassed thinking that as showing off. Cant understand how it relate, where the logic and hard to describe. huhu..
I have this problem since long ago. Only change that attitude after I think that actually is not a right thing to do. I think that not only me, but many other seems shy/ not confident to show kindness and instead showing off/ proud of the bad deed. For example, feel shy to read (in silence) Quran in public, instead feel proud not wearing tudung labuh as not willing to be included as 'muslimah'. Now I try to be not too shy of doing good deed so to be example to other. If I'm no better person, at least I'm not a source of people learn bad things.
Few years ago I heard a person talk proudly on how he abuse animals. And to be arrogant telling it infront of many peoples who seems confuse but did not object and just pretending laughing. Luckily one of them speak up and give advice to him. The incident make me thought, what problems with people's mind today. Those who did good feel embarrassed to a limit they just didn't do it, while those who did bad proud of it and become more arrogant that peoples feel shy to advice him, some people takes it as normal, personal matter and leave the oblivious continue to proud with own bad deed.
Just like a student that proud when they escape from class to the limit the other students salute her timid action.
A smoker start smoking thinking that is cool even though they knew it is bad to health
A thug feel arrogant able to bully weak people, or when they become the top in an organisation.
A worker who feel proud able to step on their boss and purposely looking for fight to be sighted by collages.
And even some people purposely want to be seen not too muslimah type as she feel it is quite embarrassing. (I did sometimes).
Sometime I want to share good article in FB, but shy it might be an embarrassing for someone like me. Only in this blog I have little courage because not many know its existence. hehehehehehe.. It is my Suri's site afterall.. hehehehe=))
Looking at that I then knew it is very wrong and know I should change myself or I became a bad example to others. Since then I change my attitude. However the sudden case today, within the few second my brain just working slower than my steps. I forget I should please Allah and doing things sincerely, not too focus on people or myself that it restrain from doing the good deed.
Ya Rabb, help me to be sincere in all things I'm doing and be it to please you and became benefits to myself and other. Even I may not an inspiring to others hopefully I'm not a source of negative impact and bad example to other. Amin..
- Do good deed sincerely, don't be arrogant but you may show off with it in hoping it became a good example to attract other. Eg: Do proud wearing Palestine bandage, because it remind others and yourself to not forget our sisters showing your support and the little thing you can contribute, insyaAllah.
- Never proud nor applaud for bad deed or else it become habit. It cause misconception of the wrong looks not ugly and causing people cannot differentiate the good and the bad.
- Im not a shy person. Maybe very slightly. hehe..