Alhamdulillah, for us still kicking alive to meet this blessing month of Ramadan Kareem. More blessing for me after more than 10 years fasting alone at early Ramadan, this Ramadan I was blessed with mum visit! We did small thanksgiving feast to welcome Ramadhan as well expressing our gratitude for His rezq, and blessing that we all healthy.
I also able to do terawikh with mum where this is her first time terawikh at Surau here. We went walking about 500m which seems not too close and not too far. I am able to have night walk with mum, show her the beautiful stars in the sky and lovey-dovey with her. There is one time, while we walk a small truck that went to same route, stop and offering us ride. We hoop onto the back with few children also wearing telekung intending to do terawikh. I have a big smile when the engine start, the night breeze gaze my face and my heart rejoice the moment that it will be a special memories with mum.
During sahur and iftar I was able to eat mum's cook. I wake up only after mum finish cook, just to eat (bad daughter!). But once I did wake up to make simple egg soup for mum and mum said it delicious!
This year I celebrate Ramadhan not only with mum but also with grandma and all my cats (botak, cheetah and tiger). The cats oddly accept mum visit with a warm welcome. Cheetah who previously anti human that makes me to choose him or mum, but finally accept mum. Oddly he became shameless and fall in love with mum. He finally learns that mum is another person that can provide him food. It even insightful to see him begging and stealing foods from us which later my kind-hearted grandma will give him the food on the floor. Mum on the other hand feed them first before we eat. I also remember once my aunty came and cheetah begging for the bun that she eat. The lucky cheetah got one whole bun for himself. Tiger also oddly spend more time in home which she usually only back during diner time!
We also have a small fight. It was at fourth Ramadhan. During 1 hour lunch break, I back home to spend that precious hour with mum. However with my arrival, mum start doing house chores like washing dishes, heating water. I told mum to do it later after I back to work since she have nothing to do afterall. She keep continue doing dishes saying it wont take long but in the end it takes 30 minutes worth of time. Finish with the dishes she continue heating water. I keep pestering her to stop doing work and spend time with me. Take pity on me that walk back home to spend time with her. She said it won't takes long and continue heating water. Finish the second work she said she want to peel the coconut that I just buy. I get angry and said, wait until I gone to work. She lie beside me and when I just fall asleep she went to the kitchen and peel the coconut. About 15 minutes later I woke up and found that she not besides me. As of that it was time to go work and mum come to the room and wont have any work to do after this. I got very angry on how mum not appreciate my effort and my feeling wanting to spend time with her. I talk harsh and say she didn't comes for me but just to settle her things (this part I am wrong). Maybe I just love her ways too much that I get irritated on simple things like this. Or are my love is selfish? Did I love her only for my sake? Or should I love mum less? Because loving her too much makes me hurt more. Now I change my phone wallpaper from her picture to lilo and stitch picture. I usually calls everyday, but now after 2 weeks I only call once. It is not I want to hate her, but I try not to obsessed or too childish. I did give mum proper farewell and apologize for my wrongdoing while she with me, I tell her that I will act maturely after this. Afterall mum know me in-out and she know I am mad because I love her. My obsessive love might bad for her and for me as well, I should be matured and strong emotionally. That why Allah must be the number one and we must love a person because of Allah or else the love might not beneficial. What happened is not a bad thing, but to teach me to be better, stronger and dependable.
Obsessive love is definitely bad. =P
love sincerely and show your love =)
Appreciate little things, so your heart at ease. InsyaAllah
While mum at my home, I didn't read much quran as I want to spend more time with her in the very short visit. Every moments is so precious for me. Supposedly I read 1 Juz a day, but I read very little. Alhamdulillah I just finish the Quran yesterday. It was quite an achievement for me after fail in the 2 remadhan previously. Alhamdulillah ya Rabb for giving me courage, health, time and heart to do that simple little ibadah.
This Ramadhan is very special for me, able to live experiencing another episode of Ramadhan with the person I love, I hope I learned and make benefit out of it. I hope with my effort, the blessing of Ramadhan can change me into a better muslim that strong physical and emotionally. Who appreciate what are good, forgiver, and trying hard to find hidayah and Allah's blessing. Amin..
Note:
I really love my family, thus the stronger the bond, the deeper attachment I have.
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